Pathworld

 

Laying here in my soft comfortable pjs ,  my dog is by my side; he occasionally licks my hand as if he knows.and wants to reassure me all will be well .

I glance out the window at the golden sunset and feel sadness, as it will be my last. It seems to have a glow about it i had not seen before , the smell of sage lingers in the space from the smudging done earlier today. I feel the spot on my forehead as if it was still damp from the sweet smell of frankincense oil , my feet are cold yet i have another blanket on them.

I have spend the last few days saying and hugging good bye to all my friends, some I even gave a piece  of my stain glass too (what was left )  Friends surprise me, the ones i thought were close haven’t been around yet some who I hadn’t seem in 10 years sit my bedside for hours, I had a great  blessed  life and  I am  glad it’s  almost  over .

Now, I don’t want people around, I feel it is getting closer to my graduation and a calmness permeates the space, don’t talk just hold my hand.

Most of my family have passed , I glance at my son ‘s face and see the tears he is hiding  he feels like he should talk but doesn’t know what to say ,  I lie to him tell him i am not afraid secretly i wonder if i am .

I have done most things on my bucket list ,only one thing i hadn’t done was see the northern lights , now i think i see them- swirling patterns of light- is that my mother i see,  i must be hallucinating.

Some one puts on, softly, in the  background, some music,  the song reminds me of an old Friend I wonder if he will be there to greet me?

a piece of chocolate on my bed side and i don’t want it – so not like me.

I hear the clock chiming in the other room but time no longer seems to matter.

We had spent the last week looking at old photos picking out ones for the video to be made for my celebration of life and relieving the memories that go with each photo.

Now i hear some of my friend outside drumming, how wonderful as i shut my eyes and drift.

the room become calmer as I leave this old machine behind.

Pathworld